fuck this tweet and fuck you twitter.com/Virtual1nstinc
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you don't get to tell me to stop caring about whether i creep women out. it fucking *matters* to me. i *don't wanna fucking do it*. i am *not alone*. i have had a *lot* of private conversations with other men about this. men are *torn up* about it and they *can't talk about it*
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insanely frustrating that we live in a world that 100% validates the fear of being hurt but barely acknowledges that fear of hurting other people exists or could be so intense as to be crippling
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thinking about ways i've hurt women in the past has made me *want to die*
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Replying to @QiaochuYuan @the_aiju and 3 others
like - there was this thread the other day from a woman talking about how her experiences having sex with men were so bad she turned her dissociation into a sexual orientation and reading stuff like that legitimately makes me want to die
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and yeah, i can recognize the parts of this that are not about hurting other people and are about my self-image, etc. i've done some work on this. but i'm not gonna stand for people trivializing this fear
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remember comment 171 and untitled? i have never forgotten
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Also, other people’s feelings are legitimately important and it’s good to care about them
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I relate deeply to this sentiment and have had to do a lot of work in this area, mostly in complete isolation because everyone seems to act as if maleness itself is inherently violent and even being in proximity to women has the potential to cause harm
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there are many other dynamics here involving who you hang out with, particularly that the only people who know how to engage with this topic cogently have often had many negative experiences and will push you to be fucking terrified of doing anything wrong, ever
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Gotta disagree on this one.
The culture has swung WAY too far in the other direction, crushing men with fear in precisely the way you described -- driving them to self-loathing.
Kindness is important, but being a person in the world means risking hurting others.
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Men are traumatized just as often if not more often by women, and there is absolutely zero consideration for that. Women feel entirely entitled to hurt men however they want.
The singular focus on how men hurt women is just not reflective of reality.
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Crippling fear of hurting others isn't plausibly motivated, but a crippling fear of blameworthiness is. The latter is playing against those you might "hurt" and can't be understood without modeling an adversarial scapegoating game.
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The people terrified of "hurting" others and the people reporting being "hurt" a lot by minor transgressions are playing out a scene together to exclude nonplayers.
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