it’s fucked up that ~99% of the stories i read about men hitting on women are stories of male celebrities getting metoo’d. idk where i’m supposed to be getting role models and positive examples from. any women wanna tell us about a time a man hit on them and they liked it?
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p sure i’ve done multiple previous tweets about this here’s one
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i saw and read a lot about men being creepy growing up (and still do) and the lesson i internalized was to just never hit on women ever. it didn't help that i never saw what *good* flirting was supposed to look like, except in TV / movies and that had its own problems (3/n)
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ok this is turning into a flirting advice thread which i wanna clarify is not actually what i asked for or wanted - i specifically want *stories*, i want stories to counterbalance all the terrible shitty stories in my head, walk me through what he did and how you felt!
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my actual opinion of most of the advice in this thread is - i don’t think it’s wrong, exactly, but it doesn’t go far enough upstream to be actionable imo. i don’t think “be more confident” is very actionable eg. there’s a big question of where (earned) confidence comes from
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it continues to be the case that the best thing i ever did for my own ability to flirt is to cry a lot, esp. about my exes and my parents. if i had to offer pithy flirting advice of my own to dudes it would be to chase aliveness, not just in flirting but everywhere
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“do stuff that makes you feel alive, not stuff that makes you feel dead” will eventually generate everything else you need to be good at flirting imo - engagement with feelings, engagement with the body, presence, playfulness, etc. - and hopefully in the appropriate order for you
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Doubling down on how real this is. The fear and shame that comes with growing up and internalizing messages is no joke.
It's not the only factor, but it is a huge reason why it took me sooo long to even feel comfortable making eye contact and smiling at people.
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The fear of being a creep weighs on me to this day.
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It was simple. A comfort zone challenge. A way to take baby steps out of my social anxiety. It shouldn’t be a big deal. All I had to do was look people in the eye as they walked past, and smile. That’s it.
Eye contact. Smile.
But holy shit it was hard.
buttondown.email/dudejustloveyo
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