it’s fucked up that ~99% of the stories i read about men hitting on women are stories of male celebrities getting metoo’d. idk where i’m supposed to be getting role models and positive examples from. any women wanna tell us about a time a man hit on them and they liked it?
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how can i tell if a woman is attracted to me *before* hitting on them 😫
also how can i tell if i’m being sufficiently non-threatening 😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫
(online, i kiinda think i can do this irl)
there's no silver bullet, you gotta be willing to take rejection and it might be brutal sometimes
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this is why PUAs tell newbies to fail fast and repeatedly, rack up attempts and failures. If you aren't willing to fail you won't take the risks necessary to win
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Thank you for asking the questions I've always had because I'm clearly hopelessly illiterate when reading the signals.
The times I've been courted (one irl, one online) were both when I had zero idea they were into me and zero inclination on doing more than befriending them.
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that's not how it works always even if it's how it works sometimes, but practice makes perfect. Some will find you creepy and others endearing and you won't know before you take a risk.
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it mostly depends on how you and they react after the fact.
I think the most important aspect of creepy behavior is the guy behaving like he's been in the desert for 40 days and views the girl as the last water fountain in million miles around.
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if they keep responding positively to possibilities for escalation in terms of intimacy (e.g. sending pics, talking about intimate matters, agreeing to phone call), then that's a good sign. or if they make the first move. but imo the frame of "hitting on" is kinda misguided...
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For me it's eye contact, banter, and a series of progressively more unmistakable coincidences of things like moving closer, receptivity, attention. The progression makes it safe, because it's always just a little more closeness than before, and saves face if there is rejection.
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I'm probably very traditional, but my moves are almost always just signals of receptivity, and if he doesn't take the opportunity, I take that as rejection and move on.
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For me, it was a matter of speaking with women with no intention of hitting on / dating them. Just talk and have a good time. Create relationships and be open & honest.
Don’t expect that any relationships will become romantic.
Listen. Talk. Note the order I put them.