those are related, naturally. i was blocked on even considering those possibilities for a long time by the cultural construction of men as sexually ravenous (which never resonated with me either). that's just not how i was. if anything i constantly repressed myself sexually
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The specific object-level prompt is that I've had a number of quiet conversations with women friends about how they feel very excluded by online discourse about supposedly universal female experiences, or e.g. TUOC's post here. theunitofcaring.tumblr.com/post/117203975
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also related!
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If you're a nerdy guy and you feel guilty about flirting because some online feminists have been shitty to people like you, I've got a few tweets, threads, and posts that might help some. It's been a long journey for me and I'd love to help my fellow men.
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holy crap i've gotten a lot of DMs about this thread, it is truly crazy how many people relate but don't feel comfortable talking about it publicly
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"a lot" could mean very different things to different people so i counted. 17 DMs, mostly men but also some trans / queer women
tbc i appreciate this a lot, DMs are really good, it really helps me get a better sense of how much of a thing this is for people other than me
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ok so replying to this here. this sucks and im sorry dude. and I have gotten feedback about this from female partners in the past.
i dont know how to convey the mindset that is a way around it but i think the big thing is to just be really present. vibing. in the following sense
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actively worrying about what you are doing during sex is totally inimical to this. theres really no situation where vibe is more shared and apparent than during sex and if you go in stressed its just gonna suck most likely, for everyone
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i do not think this is unusual for men either. the information I have received is that in fact men worry a Lot and pretty generally
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i dont exactly know how to explain how to not worry and just focus on enjoying things but I think its the ideal end state. probably being Aware is a start, also finding a partner who is chill and open to helping you feel relaxed
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anyway happy to talk about this more in whatever venue you like iff it would be of use ^^
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yeah i vibe with all of this. tbc i think i'd do a lot better now (if i could find someone to do it with 😅) but there's still unresolved stuff about ways in which i felt misunderstood and not seen while going through this and that's what this thread is more about