just remembered that an ex once told me she felt like i was being selfish in bed when literally the only thing i was trying to do when we messed around was get her off and i was like ???????????????????????????????????
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i've never had a pleasurable sexual experience involving my penis with a partner even once, and until pretty recently that hasn't even felt like a thing i was allowed to want, partly because of experiences like this
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btw in case it helps, two other big problems i have that i grew up hearing only about women having
🔸issues with consent, e.g. saying yes to sexual stuff before you're ready
🔸sexual trauma, for lack of a better word, e.g. being too scared and anxious around sex to be horny
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those are related, naturally. i was blocked on even considering those possibilities for a long time by the cultural construction of men as sexually ravenous (which never resonated with me either). that's just not how i was. if anything i constantly repressed myself sexually
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The specific object-level prompt is that I've had a number of quiet conversations with women friends about how they feel very excluded by online discourse about supposedly universal female experiences, or e.g. TUOC's post here. theunitofcaring.tumblr.com/post/117203975
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also related!
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If you're a nerdy guy and you feel guilty about flirting because some online feminists have been shitty to people like you, I've got a few tweets, threads, and posts that might help some. It's been a long journey for me and I'd love to help my fellow men.
RESOURCE THREAD
RESOURCE THREAD Show this thread
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holy crap i've gotten a lot of DMs about this thread, it is truly crazy how many people relate but don't feel comfortable talking about it publicly
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this makes me really happy to hear, I hope my conflicted feelings don’t take away from that at all
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it’s all good, personally i think we handled that conversation like champs so far, and if you still feel incomplete about it happy to continue privately!
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we should def chat again soon but I feel totally heard by you on this topic so no worries
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