and i don't think i ever allowed myself to be sad about that either but i am actually very sad about that mismatch. i don't feel like culture acknowledges that men like me exist and i hate it actually. i've never felt represented in a whole bunch of ways and this is a huge one
Conversation
there was a woman on twitter who tweeted something like "i used to be afraid of men but now i've come to realize that men literally love women so much they're willing to die for us" and i was like YES thank you someone finally gets it, *that* feels like it's actually about *me*
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i found the tweet!
Quote Tweet
When you stop freaking out about how much men are supposedly trying to oppress you, you open your eyes to an entire world of men literally willing to die to make you happy.
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just remembered that an ex once told me she felt like i was being selfish in bed when literally the only thing i was trying to do when we messed around was get her off and i was like ???????????????????????????????????
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i've never had a pleasurable sexual experience involving my penis with a partner even once, and until pretty recently that hasn't even felt like a thing i was allowed to want, partly because of experiences like this
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btw in case it helps, two other big problems i have that i grew up hearing only about women having
🔸issues with consent, e.g. saying yes to sexual stuff before you're ready
🔸sexual trauma, for lack of a better word, e.g. being too scared and anxious around sex to be horny
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those are related, naturally. i was blocked on even considering those possibilities for a long time by the cultural construction of men as sexually ravenous (which never resonated with me either). that's just not how i was. if anything i constantly repressed myself sexually
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Quote Tweet
The specific object-level prompt is that I've had a number of quiet conversations with women friends about how they feel very excluded by online discourse about supposedly universal female experiences, or e.g. TUOC's post here. theunitofcaring.tumblr.com/post/117203975
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also related!
Quote Tweet
If you're a nerdy guy and you feel guilty about flirting because some online feminists have been shitty to people like you, I've got a few tweets, threads, and posts that might help some. It's been a long journey for me and I'd love to help my fellow men.
RESOURCE THREAD
RESOURCE THREAD Show this thread
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holy crap i've gotten a lot of DMs about this thread, it is truly crazy how many people relate but don't feel comfortable talking about it publicly
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"a lot" could mean very different things to different people so i counted. 17 DMs, mostly men but also some trans / queer women
tbc i appreciate this a lot, DMs are really good, it really helps me get a better sense of how much of a thing this is for people other than me
Replying to
ok so replying to this here. this sucks and im sorry dude. and I have gotten feedback about this from female partners in the past.
i dont know how to convey the mindset that is a way around it but i think the big thing is to just be really present. vibing. in the following sense
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actively worrying about what you are doing during sex is totally inimical to this. theres really no situation where vibe is more shared and apparent than during sex and if you go in stressed its just gonna suck most likely, for everyone
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