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okay yeah i think it's resentment specifically. wow. everything i feel resentful about feels explosive and tricky to talk about and that's *part of the resentment*, that i feel like i have to be so incredibly careful and skilled for it to not blow up in my face

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QC (in Berlin 7/29-???)

@QiaochuYuan

· Mar 31, 2021

i've been feeling blocked wrt twitter for months now - like it shocks me how much better my tweets were in 2019 and 2020 when i didn't feel blocked, i just don't tweet fire anymore - and maybe it means i have a new set of things to unsuppress related to anger and resentment

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QC (in Berlin 7/29-???)

@QiaochuYuan

Mar 31, 2021

i feel a lot of resentment about gender stuff and race stuff and those are like jeez two of the worst topics to talk about. ugh. fuck

QC (in Berlin 7/29-???)

@QiaochuYuan

Mar 31, 2021

i think i could potentially do some good by modeling what it's like to talk about those topics in a careful and emotionally honest way but i resent feeling like i have to put in that level of effort to be heard even remotely accurately

Nathan Sorenson

@takeoutweight

Mar 31, 2021

just an internet stranger but I hope this strikes you as earnest: why is the talking this out publicly important? Could you be asking too much for Twitter to be a place where you can get benefit of the doubt while being messy about sensitive topics? Why not vent with yr bros etc?

QC (in Berlin 7/29-???)

@QiaochuYuan

Replying to

@takeoutweight

i've been talking about it privately and it's been good but there's something extra i'm craving from talking about it publicly. i want to see if i can do it and have it land properly, partly for others' sake, partly for mine

10:26 PM · Mar 31, 2021Twitter Web App

Replying to

and

i definitely go through life assuming that this is impossible and insane to do. i can see that causing depression for me. i also don't really have a model of who needs to hear the things that are important to me, not sure how I'd build it