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okay yeah i think it's resentment specifically. wow. everything i feel resentful about feels explosive and tricky to talk about and that's *part of the resentment*, that i feel like i have to be so incredibly careful and skilled for it to not blow up in my face

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QC (in Berlin 7/29-???)

@QiaochuYuan

· Mar 31, 2021

i've been feeling blocked wrt twitter for months now - like it shocks me how much better my tweets were in 2019 and 2020 when i didn't feel blocked, i just don't tweet fire anymore - and maybe it means i have a new set of things to unsuppress related to anger and resentment

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9:51 PM · Mar 31, 2021Twitter Web App

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QC (in Berlin 7/29-???)

@QiaochuYuan

Mar 31, 2021

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@QiaochuYuan

i feel a lot of resentment about gender stuff and race stuff and those are like jeez two of the worst topics to talk about. ugh. fuck

QC (in Berlin 7/29-???)

@QiaochuYuan

Mar 31, 2021

i think i could potentially do some good by modeling what it's like to talk about those topics in a careful and emotionally honest way but i resent feeling like i have to put in that level of effort to be heard even remotely accurately

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I will say, I really like the way you've been talking about math. Like, the energy of shitposts, but cool stuff inside

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FWIW, most of it strikes me as memetic terrorism that evolved just to create this effect. There's much less bite to it than it seems. Canceling is unlikely, and even if it happens it's just an invitation to purge the parts of you that value others' opinions more than your being.

James

@jambarree

Apr 1, 2021

:nodding: "feel like I have to" has turned out false (or, much less "bite") so often IME that I now regard it as an immediate stop-and-reorient cue