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QC (in Berlin 7/29-???)
@QiaochuYuan
this is not even remotely a trans thing imo and it's frustrating how hard that is to talk about also. it's just a contingent feature of modern society that women are widely recognized as, and validated for, having certain problems while nobody discusses men having those problems
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QC (in Berlin 7/29-???)
@QiaochuYuan
i have in fact experienced decades of subtle pressure from all angles, including internal ones, to neurotically respond and actively sexually perform for my partners. it took me until 26 to notice and a big part of why is that nobody told me this was a problem men could have
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QC (in Berlin 7/29-???)
@QiaochuYuan
i continue to believe that "attachment is the real gender" in many ways; excessively people-pleasing wrt your partners (or in general) is imo an anxious attachment issue, and people of all genders can run into it
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QC (in Berlin 7/29-???)
@QiaochuYuan
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anxious attaching men in particular i think are reluctant to talk about their experiences because their problems seem embarrassing and shameful compared to what's in the discourse; because the discourse mostly represents anxious women they seem like "feminine" problems
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QC (in Berlin 7/29-???)
@QiaochuYuan
what frustrates me about this issue in particular is all the messaging i heard growing up was about men being incredibly selfish sexually all i *ever* wanted to do sexually was please my partners i just didn't know how and i didn't get many opportunities to practice
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QC (in Berlin 7/29-???)
@QiaochuYuan
and i don't think i ever allowed myself to be sad about that either but i am actually very sad about that mismatch. i don't feel like culture acknowledges that men like me exist and i hate it actually. i've never felt represented in a whole bunch of ways and this is a huge one
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GeniesLoki
@GeniesLoki
Honestly I'm not sure this is really a "men like you" thing, I think this is just a really common male experience that people don't talk about much because you get "No you are an oppressor!" from one side and "You have failed as a man!" from the other. when you do
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GeniesLoki
@GeniesLoki
I more or less share the experience and have heard similar things from a number of men, and from second hand knowledge and reading it just seems really normal in people of all genders.
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