i previously thought being desperate for a relationship was trying to find IFS Self energy* in another person
(*read: have someone else resolve your internal issues via loving all parts of you)
but maybe it's trying to get someone else's protective parts to act as ur protectors
Conversation
examples:
- guy wants motherly girl b/c certain decisions feel scary
- girl wants possessive guy b/c has trouble asserting boundaries with men
- guy wants very dressed-up women b/c afraid of people disrespecting him him
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(perhaps it's time I read this book β find out if this insight is in it!
ifs-institute.com/store/37
there's a super common thing of people independently discovering IFS just from doing introspection, so I wouldn't be surprised)
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chapter 2 is exactly about your question!
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tldr dick says itβs ~about your exiles hoping to be redeemed by the other person, e.g. accepted by them the way you were never accepted by your mother or father or etc, which is sort of closer to the first thing you said
but def using other people as protectors is also a thing