this feels slightly douchey but i’ve gotten enough people sliding into my DMs that i might write a guide to how to slide into someone’s DMs. maybe you wrote something like this already?
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i get enough DM requests now that the only way i can deal with them all is basically to reject any that make me feel uncomfortable even if i can’t articulate the feeling. it’s given me a lot more sympathy for what i imagine being a woman on a dating site is like
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some patterns i’ve noticed in DM requests i feel uncomfortable about:
1) inappropriate intimacy, e.g. talking as if we’re close friends if you only know me parasocially (i was surprised by how uncomfortable this felt)
2) very unclear ask, e.g. sending me a rant
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3) big ask without a proportionate introduction or sell, e.g. “can we be friends” without an intro or explanation, bruh buy me dinner first
4) various miscellaneous flags for “this person won’t be fun to talk to / doesn’t understand social norms / is possibly quite disturbed”
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a rough template for a DM request i’d feel comfy with:
🔸brief intro (most optional)
🔸clear ask
🔸brief context for why the ask matters to you
i do quite like responding to questions over DM but preferably questions that actually matter to you! (not eg icebreakers)
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I use this on LinkedIn, Twitter and Facebook
When people come through my site, they are prompted this via a form.
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huh, interesting. no option for just asking a one-off question? people ask me for book recs and things like that
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I would love that.
Years ago I got treated like a help desk, but somehow lost the luster I guess!
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To be more clear, the one-offs I do get are usually, how much do you charge for this, or are you available for that. (speaking/workshops)
Old school fun one-offs, no more :(
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makes sense i guess, past a certain level of visibility?
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