this feels slightly douchey but i’ve gotten enough people sliding into my DMs that i might write a guide to how to slide into someone’s DMs. maybe you wrote something like this already?
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i get enough DM requests now that the only way i can deal with them all is basically to reject any that make me feel uncomfortable even if i can’t articulate the feeling. it’s given me a lot more sympathy for what i imagine being a woman on a dating site is like
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some patterns i’ve noticed in DM requests i feel uncomfortable about:
1) inappropriate intimacy, e.g. talking as if we’re close friends if you only know me parasocially (i was surprised by how uncomfortable this felt)
2) very unclear ask, e.g. sending me a rant
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3) big ask without a proportionate introduction or sell, e.g. “can we be friends” without an intro or explanation, bruh buy me dinner first
4) various miscellaneous flags for “this person won’t be fun to talk to / doesn’t understand social norms / is possibly quite disturbed”
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a rough template for a DM request i’d feel comfy with:
🔸brief intro (most optional)
🔸clear ask
🔸brief context for why the ask matters to you
i do quite like responding to questions over DM but preferably questions that actually matter to you! (not eg icebreakers)
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not the only possible template obviously, “hey i saw this thing that seems relevant to your interests, [link]” with no ask is a fine way to start a conversation, so is “hey you tweeted this thing and i have thoughts about it i wanted to share privately,” good stuff
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i am genuinely not sure what to do with the ones that are like “can we be friends” like... according to my view of how friendship develops that’s not really a thing i can decide? anyone who wants to be my friend can try replying good to my tweets i guess
That was a joke!
I thought I had the nerve to make it without a disclaimer, but I do not
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I always say that would be lovely.
What blows my mind is how many people tell me "I AM GOING TO BE YOUR FRIEND"
As if I don't have a choice in the matter.
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This made me scroll back to our first DMs to remember how it started. 😅
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Friendship is like fermentation. It takes time and the chemistry has to be just right
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taking notes for when I have a sufficiently interesting reason to slide into your DMs.
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I would suppose that they were trying to initiate a transactional friendship. (Do not underestimate how great an imbalance the notion could describe, in their minds.)
