in disorganized attachment, the caregiver is supposed to be a source of comfort but becomes a source of fear. moving towards the caregiver feels unacceptable and moving away also feels unacceptable
when everything feels unacceptable, you can't act based on feeling anymore
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So if your parents did everything right, you *can* navigate through life entirely by your feelings and get good results?
:skeptical face:
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If your parents did an adequate amount right, feeling would not feel opposed to thought. takes a stronger version of this than I do and I think holds that you would not need to delay gratification because appropriate actions would feel gratifying.
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I mostly agree with what you said, but IMO a bit problem with almost everything written about attachment is that it rounds the entire environment to “your parents” or “your mother”.
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hmmmmmmmm can you say more? a big thing the attachment repair guy emphasizes is that a lot of attachment conditioning is already set in place as early as 18 months. that's too early for eg school to be relevant. but certainly other relatives could be...?
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Yeah, I roll to disbelieve that anything is particularly set in place other than because that’s the age when people start treating kids worse.
I could be wrong of course, but afaict kids can change their attachments with their parents over time.
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my only contribution here is to point out(inform? remind? idk y’all’s fields) that a lot of these theories of emotional-psychological development are built on top of theories that were built on top of theories that have been largely discarded, so there is a lot of room for
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“it’s in entirely possible that’s not the case, because the person who started that widely held theory based their conclusions on the work of dr so & so, whose theories were heavily influenced by freud” 😂
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yeah that’s helpful. personally i am not going to believe anything about this stuff just because someone else said it. for me all of this is hypotheses to test against my own emotional work
seems like the best way to go about it, imo. even when concepts are provably true, they are rarely true 100% of the time. how can you know what applies to you without checking for fit?