Gonna go get breakfast while the wife is still asleep, ask me anything
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"Each partner is asked what he or she needs from the other, and therapy is designed to find ways that each can change to meet the other’s needs. What if there is an essential flaw in this accommodation premise that sets up couples to fail?"
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yeah i would've reacted a lot more poorly to this a few years ago. i think richard has to be understood as using the word "need" in a very specific way
the way richard uses "need" is related to this thing about "fundamental okayness"
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someone finally explained it to me as “women don’t want to be responsible for whether or not you’re fundamentally okay” and i still didn’t quite understand at the time but it’s increasingly made more and more sense. like... yeah, damn, that does sound like a lot of pressure
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indeed, almost* nobody likes to be responsible for other people
a lot of parents resent their kids because they didn't quite realize that's what a lot of parenting is
*(some people have a sort of inverted pathalogical neediness, which is also a fuck)
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Particularly been thinking about this in terms of emotional health.
As a general rule, everyone jumps at the opportunity to perform a small, specific task that will improve a friend's a day
But nobody wants to be given the general responsibility of another person's well-being
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