Have you tried writing out privately what you actually think about things you don't feel comfortable talking about publicly or with the people involved?
I find it incredibly liberating & sanity-inducing to just be able to go "yeah, that's indeed how I see it! is it? hm, & this"
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private writing feels “dead” to me somehow - for whatever reason i need to know at least one other person will see it. locked alt and similar has been good for this