I want to meet people and make friends, but I feel like I have nothing to contribute in conversations, so I just end up passively reading.
Any suggestions?
Have any of you dealt with this before?
Conversation
how do you feel during conversations? bored? anxious? overwhelmed? blank?
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hmm, hadn't really thought about it before
with people I already know, usually it's not a problem
when meeting new people I feel very exposed, as if drawing attention is a hazard, and I probably overthink what I'm saying
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also, on the TL there's so many conversations going on that choosing one to join is a bit overwhelming
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btw thanks for asking! Just trying to analyze what I'm feeling has given me a lot to think about 😂
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🙏
i have a hunch that a lot of people are like vaguely anxious during conversation and 1) don't allow themselves to notice or care and 2) try to work "around" or "above" it, which is a very effortful way to do it unfortunately
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when i feel like i have nothing to contribute in conversations it's usually because on some level i don't feel safe. like e.g. i don't understand the social rules or status dynamics at play, don't understand when to interrupt, don't understand what is welcome or unwelcome
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when i feel reasonably confident i understand the social dynamics and how i fit into them i usually have a lot to say lol. and if not i can get curious and ask questions, unless i'm so anxious i can't summon any genuine curiosity
Replying to
this rings true, i think. sometimes i have something to add but i suppress it since i'm not sure how it'll be received.
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what's a less effortful way? "understand the social dynamics first" seems like putting the cart before the horse