eg let’s say you’re trying to stop being so angry at your partner. a “counteractive” or “layering” approach to this is to try to install a new habit of noticing when you’re getting angry and doing something else, e.g. going for a walk, or “communication skills”-type stuff
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this is not bad, exactly - it can be a helpful band-aid - but it’s brittle and hard to maintain because you aren’t addressing the underlying source of the anger. “transformative” or “delayering” approaches would instead address that - eg in IFS, working with protector + exile
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techniques like IFS are in principle capable of addressing the underlying source of the anger; once you do that you don’t need to counteract it anymore, it just effortlessly happens less if at all. you’ve “delayered” instead of “layering”
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what kind of damage can you do to yourself the counteractive / layering way? let’s say you also have a strong inner critic, for example. when you notice yourself failing to properly counteract your anger, that can become another thing for your inner critic to latch onto
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“jeez look at you, can’t do anything right, can’t even stop yourself from being angry the way the therapist told you to”
part of the damage here is the idea that these techniques are supposed to solve your problem; easy to conclude that if they don’t then it’s your fault
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failed attempts at self-transformation can also produce resistance to future attempts at self-transformation, as various parts of the bodymind conclude that it’s unsafe and will not actually help them get their needs met. not a great place to be in! better to use good tech!
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further reading: UtEB is most of the core of my framework for analyzing and comparing and debugging techniques, would still highly recommend as a read for anyone who wants that:
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Me being triggered slightly by this thread and looking at what's at the core of that:
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I dislike the "layering vs. unlayering" frame because it perpetuates the idea that all we have to do is remove all our trauma and then we'll respond perfectly to every situation.
Even if you get rid of all your hangups with people, communication is still hard, skills are needed.
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yeah, to be clear, the claim isn't that layering is all bad and delayering is all good - in the "spaghetti code" metaphor the limit of "full delayering" is deleting all the code and then nothing happens! ("sutrayana zombie"?)
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but i've benefited from being able to think about and attempt to notice layering vs. delayering as a thing that is sometimes happening. i think it's fair to say that excessive layering is common and many people could use more delayering on the margin
then, as you say, there's a hard "reconstruction after deconstruction" question of what else to do; how to acquire new skills appropriate to current challenges, etc etc
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I write about that a bit in this thread. The big reason I got into twitter was deconstructing myself and unlearning shit that was holding me back. I think some of the reconstruction has been automatic, but there's still a lot left to figure out and work on
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8. The strategies that got me to where I was were no longer effective and had to be deconstructed. Hopefully I'm building them back up into something that serves me and my goals more effectively.
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Replying to
Yeah I pretty much agree with this frame. All of this reply should mostly be considered "me arguing with myself" rather than "me arguing with QC."
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it do be like that sometimes 👍
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There must be existing jargon for this I mean this question is age-old
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