pop culture, i think, gives us a mostly wrong picture of where courage comes from. in pop culture courage often comes from knowing you are the chosen one and/or have superpowers. in my experience i have been the most courageous when i felt most “in the flow of the world”
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some of the boldest things i’ve done are things that didn’t feel like “me” doing them - mostly the opposite of how pop culture heroes work (with interesting exceptions, eg avatar). it felt like i was “channeling” something, or like i was “playing improv with the universe”
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conversely the times in my life i have felt most cowardly (i mean this neutrally) were times i felt most “cut off from the flow of the world.” alone, isolated, not just from people but also sunlight, water, all good things. can’t hear the music playing so i can’t dance
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In this vein, one of the most sickening feelings I know is abruptly falling out of that flow, or realizing I was wrong about being in it.
It's like watching a parkour-gone-video, fluid understanding suddenly derailed by some bit of the landscape you're not in tune with.
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parkour-gone-wrong is a really vivid metaphor for the thing yeah oof