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QC (in Berlin 7/29-??? w/ COVID 😷)
@QiaochuYuan
thoughts on posting a billion tweets about richard schwartz's IFS relationship book, "you are the one you've been waiting for." as you can tell, i really really like this book a lot and i haven't even read past the sample
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QC (in Berlin 7/29-??? w/ COVID 😷)
@QiaochuYuan
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this valentine's day please give yourself the gift of this free sample of richard schwartz's IFS relationship book, "you are the one you've been waiting for" thread of choice quotes (all of this is from the introduction and first chapter alone) ifsca.ca/wp-content/upl
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QC (in Berlin 7/29-??? w/ COVID 😷)
@QiaochuYuan
i think every therapy book, whenever it mentions a specific case involving a specific person or a clinical history of many cases, should include dates of birth (exact or approximate ranges). i have strong suspicions that there are generational patterns!
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QC (in Berlin 7/29-??? w/ COVID 😷)
@QiaochuYuan
the classic pattern dick schwartz describes of a man socialized "traditionally male" and a woman socialized "traditionally female" doesn't describe too many people i know, but i'd guess it describes boomers accurately; it appears to perfectly describe the "90s sitcom marriage"
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QC (in Berlin 7/29-??? w/ COVID 😷)
@QiaochuYuan
so those of us who are millennials or zoomers or whatever may not see an accurate description of our own gender socialization here (i was in many ways gender socialized by my friends and the internet in a way that leaned "traditionally female") but we may see our *parents*
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QC (in Berlin 7/29-??? w/ COVID 😷)
@QiaochuYuan
"something went wrong with the boomers" is a hypothesis i keep returning to when i try to get a sense of "why everything is bad today"; dick echoes a concern i've seen elsewhere that the boomers were the first generation raised on TV
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QC (in Berlin 7/29-??? w/ COVID 😷)
@QiaochuYuan
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"Their baby-boomer children inherited that virus and, in addition, experienced little of the extended family and community-focused upbringing that their parents enjoyed. Instead, many of us boomers grew up in anonymous suburbs and drew our values from television commercials."
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QC (in Berlin 7/29-??? w/ COVID 😷)
@QiaochuYuan
Replying to
@QiaochuYuan
so that's my main first thought about the book. my main second thought is that everything he describes about defensiveness and protector dynamics in an intimate relationship is also stuff i use to analyze all social interactions, including and especially on social media
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QC (in Berlin 7/29-??? w/ COVID 😷)
@QiaochuYuan
online i pay a lot of attention to my sense of who is feeling triggered / defensive in a given conversation (including me) and, when possible, i try to gently draw attention to that, since i think it's the main thing driving the conversation when it occurs
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QC (in Berlin 7/29-??? w/ COVID 😷)
@QiaochuYuan
there are entire parts of the internet that consist of groups of people constantly triggering each other forever. it is not fun or productive, and one of the main things i try to do here, Around These Parts, is to try to help us not do that
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