when i was first working through relationship and attachment stuff a big obstacle i kept running into was that people kept telling me things that i interpreted as “stop caring about whether women like you” and i was like 🧐🧐🧐 what 🧐🧐🧐 how 🧐🧐🧐 why
Conversation
i think i get it a bit more now. among other things i was conflating two different meanings of “caring” that i had never really distinguished: on the one hand “valuing,” and on the other hand “clinging to,” “grasping for,” “being hung up on,” “being addicted to” etc.
1
1
53
someone finally explained it to me as “women don’t want to be responsible for whether or not you’re fundamentally okay” and i still didn’t quite understand at the time but it’s increasingly made more and more sense. like... yeah, damn, that does sound like a lot of pressure
1
3
70
it’s very telling that i used to be deeply confused on a gut level that someone could be in a relationship and still... have problems? like i was really out there for over a decade believing that a woman liking me would make all my problems go away, apparently
2
53
hard relate
Richard Schwartz is blindingly on the nose about this in You Are The One You’ve Been Waiting For.
I credit that book with my similar shift, rad that it just kinda unfolded for you tho!
Quote Tweet
you're telling me these are questions, and not just facts of life?
Show this thread
2
1
Replying to
yo yes i think i found this book from you on twitter it's so good
i mean it didn't quite "just unfold" like a bunch of prior experiences i had consolidated in a useful way i think, i just didn't have to do anything *recently* 😛