hmmmm i am a bit stumped
i…hmm
it feels like the act of wanting something necessary includes me knowing that the wanting exists
like, "how do you know that you feel cold" well if i didn't know that i'm feeling cold i wouldn't be feeling cold, those are tightly connected
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so it might be that you're asking "how do you know that what you want is the right thing to do", or "how is it that you want something at all" or something like that
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unfortunately i am literally asking how you know you want something
hmm
have you never suppressed your desires and needed to unsuppress them 🤔
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if you don't feel you want something then you don't want anything, simple as
desires are self-evident
go sit down and stare at the wall until there is something that you find undesirable about that condition, then investigate what could possibly be better than staring at a wall
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One of things Marie Kondo mentions when talking about “Spark Joy” is this idea that... for a lot of people, when they touch their things, they don’t even really have any feelings at all. It’s “just stuff”, and they have to *practice* feeling the feelings. Turning up the voltage
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basically if you have suppressed your feelings you need to practice feeling them again. it’s like wiggling numb fingers or toes. I’m kinda surprised you’re asking these 101 questions, didn’t you make some breakthroughs with sobsquad and so on...?
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I haven't smoked in over a year. I still think about it a lot. in an IFS session, the part of me that wants to smoke answered "why?" with a big list of repressed desires. then: but you want to smoke? you go outside and smoke and it feels good
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or I suddenly I realize I've been "checking boxes", fulfilling obligations joylessly. I somehow turn joyfull hobbies into obligations via some black magic* and then I'm like "I should do something nice to/for myself" but I don't know anything other than drinking
* deeply-held
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belief in my own lack of value and so if I just do all the things I'm supposed to do I can trick everyone into thinking I'm adequate
anyway yeah this all definitely resonates
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yeah it be like this sometimes 🙏
🙏
if the desire-suppression process is still running, I must still believe some painful, wrong lesson from childhood. how do I unlearn it? it seems like a deep one
but I'm really impatient and immoderate and I'm not feeling all this 'slow and steady' advice
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idk man i’ll probably tweet about it if i make any progress 😅
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