I would say “how do you know you want” is the wrong question. My nephews want things and they don’t always know that they want them. Knowing and wanting are separate things
Conversation
like it might be like
“I want to go swimming!”
“How do you know you want to go swimming?”
“??? I... just want!”
reasoning, if there is any, is introduced after the fact. “Because.... because it is a hot day and I want to feel cold” - but he didn’t notice it was hot before
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reasoning is not the thing i’m asking about, it’s more like... i’m pretty sure it *feels like something* to want to go swimming, e.g. maybe if the kid pays attention to their experience they notice a sensation of being “pulled towards the water”
i’m asking about that
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the phenomenology of desire, not the logic
maybe this is a confusing question but i am coming from a background of having my wants deeply suppressed by my parents and they tend to hide under large piles of conditioning and suffering
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if your favorite food was in front of you, what does it feel like, and how does your brain react over the next 5 or so micro-decisions?
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hmm interesting question. honestly it’s pretty muted. there’s like a kind of “oh good, my favorite food” and then i eat it on autopilot
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You can manually undo the muting by mindfully savouring the pleasure of each bite
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i’ve occasionally tried doing this and the experience of having food in my mouth becomes overwhelming / disgusting so i stopped 😕
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Hmmmmm
Do you get a "flinch away" response from leaning into other kinds of pleasant sensation, besides taste?
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Like, does it become overwhelming / disgusting to let yourself savor the moment-to-moment embodied experience of...
- a really lush texture, maybe soft / fuzzy / satin, or flower petal
- a fragrance you enjoy
- a resonant song on good headphones / speakers
?
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yes. every sensation is overwhelming when i tune into it
Oho! This sounds like a very useful discovery!
What do you want to do, in relation with that experience?
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I revamped this Roam page on "experiential intensity", just for this occasion! Already had the beginning of it:
i’m jumping into this a little late and probably need to read the whole convo more carefully, but i mean this seriously when i ask it, QC: have you tried smoking pot re: the sensory overwhelm you describe above?
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i can get overloaded sensorially myself, and cannabis is a wonderful way for me to shift my tone so that i can enjoy these sensory experiences instead of avoiding them or feeling overwhelmed to the point of revulsion
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