basically if you have suppressed your feelings you need to practice feeling them again. it’s like wiggling numb fingers or toes. I’m kinda surprised you’re asking these 101 questions, didn’t you make some breakthroughs with sobsquad and so on...?
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(referring to QC)
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the breakthroughs were in different directions than this
or shallower layers than this idk
think i have old stuff to work through here
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I would say “how do you know you want” is the wrong question. My nephews want things and they don’t always know that they want them. Knowing and wanting are separate things
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like it might be like
“I want to go swimming!”
“How do you know you want to go swimming?”
“??? I... just want!”
reasoning, if there is any, is introduced after the fact. “Because.... because it is a hot day and I want to feel cold” - but he didn’t notice it was hot before
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reasoning is not the thing i’m asking about, it’s more like... i’m pretty sure it *feels like something* to want to go swimming, e.g. maybe if the kid pays attention to their experience they notice a sensation of being “pulled towards the water”
i’m asking about that
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the phenomenology of desire, not the logic
maybe this is a confusing question but i am coming from a background of having my wants deeply suppressed by my parents and they tend to hide under large piles of conditioning and suffering
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if your favorite food was in front of you, what does it feel like, and how does your brain react over the next 5 or so micro-decisions?
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hmm interesting question. honestly it’s pretty muted. there’s like a kind of “oh good, my favorite food” and then i eat it on autopilot
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You can manually undo the muting by mindfully savouring the pleasure of each bite
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i’ve occasionally tried doing this and the experience of having food in my mouth becomes overwhelming / disgusting so i stopped 😕
me the first 25 years of my life
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Real talk, I was skinny as hell until I taught myself how to eat, and it wasn’t easy. 60kg/130lbs in the first pic, 85kg/190lbs now. Wow I used to look almost like I might’ve had an eating disorder. Maybe you could call it an eating... dysfunction...? It was sad, on retrospect
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Hmmmmm
Do you get a "flinch away" response from leaning into other kinds of pleasant sensation, besides taste?
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Like, does it become overwhelming / disgusting to let yourself savor the moment-to-moment embodied experience of...
- a really lush texture, maybe soft / fuzzy / satin, or flower petal
- a fragrance you enjoy
- a resonant song on good headphones / speakers
?
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