hmm. what is resting 🤔 how do you do it 🤔🤔🤔
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i do things that i want to do as opposed to things that i have to do
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Replying to @prerationalist
completely serious question, not rhetorical in the slightest: how do you know what you wanna do?
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hmmmm i am a bit stumped
i…hmm
it feels like the act of wanting something necessary includes me knowing that the wanting exists
like, "how do you know that you feel cold" well if i didn't know that i'm feeling cold i wouldn't be feeling cold, those are tightly connected
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so it might be that you're asking "how do you know that what you want is the right thing to do", or "how is it that you want something at all" or something like that
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unfortunately i am literally asking how you know you want something
hmm
have you never suppressed your desires and needed to unsuppress them 🤔
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if you don't feel you want something then you don't want anything, simple as
desires are self-evident
go sit down and stare at the wall until there is something that you find undesirable about that condition, then investigate what could possibly be better than staring at a wall
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One of things Marie Kondo mentions when talking about “Spark Joy” is this idea that... for a lot of people, when they touch their things, they don’t even really have any feelings at all. It’s “just stuff”, and they have to *practice* feeling the feelings. Turning up the voltage
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basically if you have suppressed your feelings you need to practice feeling them again. it’s like wiggling numb fingers or toes. I’m kinda surprised you’re asking these 101 questions, didn’t you make some breakthroughs with sobsquad and so on...?
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yeah this. for most of the past idk 7 years thinking about / trying to access what i want has been incredibly painful
u gotta microdose the suffering, like doing physiotherapy to learn to walk again
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for me "the plan" has been to use this time to enact cybernetic changes in my mind/environment so that i can eventually unlock my feelings again. slow going but ive also been making progress... baby steps
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tbh this whole convo is making me wanna hug you both, I hope you're soon in situations that make desiring and feeling safe and comfortable ❤️
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yuuuuuuuuup
there were some good syncronicities today for me but yeah this is basically what I have my sights on rn
happiness here I cooooooome!
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Not sure if it connects but something I'm currently exploring is this apparently strong inner maximalism that if I can't get _something_ that I want I should keep going until I get it instead of rewarding myself with _anything else_ that I want.
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Like, it feels scary that I wouldn't be able to ever get it and I keep subconsciously trying to push through and invalidate any local desire from appearance so that it doesn't "prevent" me from pushing
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