so it might be that you're asking "how do you know that what you want is the right thing to do", or "how is it that you want something at all" or something like that
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unfortunately i am literally asking how you know you want something
hmm
have you never suppressed your desires and needed to unsuppress them 🤔
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if you don't feel you want something then you don't want anything, simple as
desires are self-evident
go sit down and stare at the wall until there is something that you find undesirable about that condition, then investigate what could possibly be better than staring at a wall
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One of things Marie Kondo mentions when talking about “Spark Joy” is this idea that... for a lot of people, when they touch their things, they don’t even really have any feelings at all. It’s “just stuff”, and they have to *practice* feeling the feelings. Turning up the voltage
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basically if you have suppressed your feelings you need to practice feeling them again. it’s like wiggling numb fingers or toes. I’m kinda surprised you’re asking these 101 questions, didn’t you make some breakthroughs with sobsquad and so on...?
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(referring to QC)
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the breakthroughs were in different directions than this
or shallower layers than this idk
think i have old stuff to work through here
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I would say “how do you know you want” is the wrong question. My nephews want things and they don’t always know that they want them. Knowing and wanting are separate things
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like it might be like
“I want to go swimming!”
“How do you know you want to go swimming?”
“??? I... just want!”
reasoning, if there is any, is introduced after the fact. “Because.... because it is a hot day and I want to feel cold” - but he didn’t notice it was hot before
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reasoning is not the thing i’m asking about, it’s more like... i’m pretty sure it *feels like something* to want to go swimming, e.g. maybe if the kid pays attention to their experience they notice a sensation of being “pulled towards the water”
i’m asking about that
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the phenomenology of desire, not the logic
maybe this is a confusing question but i am coming from a background of having my wants deeply suppressed by my parents and they tend to hide under large piles of conditioning and suffering
if your favorite food was in front of you, what does it feel like, and how does your brain react over the next 5 or so micro-decisions?
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hmm interesting question. honestly it’s pretty muted. there’s like a kind of “oh good, my favorite food” and then i eat it on autopilot
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I think asking about phenomenology is still the wrong question. it’s maybe a little less wrong than asking about the logic, but it’s still “out of step”. you will always be lagging behind until you let the rhythm/spirit lead you. do you have any background in music, dance, sport?
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perhaps enlightenment then is really just reverse potty training
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music. so you want to point to like improvising?
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i see
trying to feel into my desires, they're kinda like this
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even more accurate
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oh i like this question. i think it manifests as an "image of the completed act". so the kid saying "i want to swim!" grasps an image of themselves jumping into the water and figures out how to act on it (in terms of language/demand)
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I feel you. My approach at the moment is re-embodiement. So at the gym I don't listen to podcasts I focus my awareness completely in my body and look for emergent feelings. Eg stretches sometimes evoke wonder and pleasure, othertimes guilt and fear.
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I also microdose and once my gym relationship is locked in as something I want to do, I'll be doing self IFS properly.
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oooooo i've been paying attention to this! gonna describe some different ways they feel
- coding ui stuff, a specific vision "i want a thing that moves like this!" and the coolness of the thing blended with the frustration of it not existing
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-like i'm sorta looking down at my feet bashfully saying maybe this would be kinda sorta maybe interesting i dunno, and then crying and feeling intense longing that in my chest, awareness of fear of judgement but the longing is stronger, and sadness at not knowing how to get
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