Conversation

Jan 28, 2021

i've been hesitant to talk about this for awhile. it's seemed like we're kinda pretending that things are more normal than they are and i didn't want to burst the bubble? appreciate the conversation i had about this with

@Aryeh___

, helped me feel saner

QC (in Berlin 7/29-??? w/ COVID

)

@QiaochuYuan

Jan 28, 2021

i've been playing around with the phrases "emotional anorexia" and "emotional scurvy" to describe what i was feeling in december like i was starving myself of trace nutrients and the more i starved myself the less i wanted them

QC (in Berlin 7/29-??? w/ COVID

)

@QiaochuYuan

Jan 28, 2021

the offer i made recently to RT requests for help etc. was not just for you guys, a lot of it was for me. i am starving for meaningful action right now and helping follows out is one of the more meaningful things i can do that i can see

QC (in Berlin 7/29-??? w/ COVID

)

@QiaochuYuan

Jan 28, 2021

i've been wondering if sufficiently bad lockdown can convince deep unconscious parts of you that maybe other people don't really exist or the world doesn't really exist or things like that. sounds like some of the experiences y'all are reporting might be consistent with that

Hormeze

@hormeze

Jan 28, 2021

twitter.com/Aryeh___/statu I think this is an important piece of the puzzle. Being alone makes us more sensitive to rejection- brain rewires to avoid rejection by reinforcing isolation - isolation increases loneliness

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Hormeze

@hormeze

· Nov 12, 2019

The main take away (for me) from both books mentioned in the video is that loneliness becomes chronic by altering our perception. This was consoling and exciting to learn- altering perception is one of my favorite parts of being a body-mind.

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Hormeze

@hormeze

Jan 28, 2021

I think discomfort with uncertainty is a big factor too, depression makes it hard to be optimistic about outcomes. Conversation is an act of faith in the face of uncertainty and that becomes scarier and scarier as faith in self and other dwindles

Hormeze

@hormeze

Jan 28, 2021

Slightly awkward silences suddenly yawn as wide as canyons, the three floating dots feel like lobbed grenades. The brain replays the rough parts over and over reinforcing the process. And we don't wanna harsh the vibe (what if we get rejected) so it festers in the dark

I'm sure

has some cool insights about the relationship between shane and isolation

Hormeze

@hormeze

Jan 28, 2021

i think what ur describing is real- but is only part of the equation, the depressive part of the cycle. the other half is the opposite- people are way too real- and thats also destructive. ppl cycle between these extremes and then hit walls

Hormeze

@hormeze

Jan 28, 2021

i have received far more wierd, sad, desperate rambling apology letters in 2020 than any other year, for example. its clear to me from the wording that the authors are losing touch with reality, and its hard to watch

QC (in Berlin 7/29-??? w/ COVID

Replying to

and

whoa. very curious about this if you have any (possibly highly anonymized or mixing together details) stories you're willing to share

8:26 PM · Jan 28, 2021Twitter Web App

Replying to

and

now that i think of it may be mostly avoidant attachment types feeling anxious attachment stuff for the first time? usually it takes a fuck ton of stress for that to happen ime, and be world-shattering for them- and lockdown is big enough for that to happen (this is speculation)

shb

@himbodhisattva

Jan 28, 2021

would that look like this (2nd p)?? lol-sob

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shb

@himbodhisattva

· Jan 28, 2021

Replying to @QiaochuYuan

in some ways, amazing. I'm so lucky I have my family and live somewhere beautiful and already worked remote. but the fear that I wouldn't be able to protect my family got utterly devastating. magnified by feeling like it's only us that really exist, and the outside world is a

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