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alright just for fun: AMA but only about math, will attempt to speed-explain stuff with as few symbols and equations as possible and see what happens (esp happy to field questions about stuff that seems basic to you and that you feel like you should've gotten a long time ago!)
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so, a wiser man than me (allen knutson) once made the observation that schemes generalize, say, affine varieties in three orthogonal ways: 1. patching affine pieces 2. allowing nilpotents 3. working over a non-algebraically closed field or more general base
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