And so another way to phrase that reframe is:
DB: First thing, I should decide where I'm going.
REFRAME: First thing, I should pay careful attention to where I am.
When you do that, you're going to discover a bunch of ways you wish your life was better. Bringing us to:
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DB: Problems are things that get in the way of me living my life.
REFRAME: A well-designed life isn't about *not* having problems; it's about *finding* the right problems and *solving* the right problems (and learning to even enjoy that!)
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(Kirsten is absolutely right here, by the way, about periods of grief: this shouldn't be read as an injunction that life should always be fun, but rather an invitation to accept it in its wholeness)
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Lovely thread about building a beautiful life.
And my regular reminder: Periods of grief and upheaval make everything feel wrong. That doesn't mean your life is broken. Try working with the existing pieces of your life before taking more drastic actions this year. twitter.com/a_fellow_of/st…
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You shouldn't expect your life to be a straight walk from where you are to where you've decided to go. Among other things, that would be boring! You're not following a GPS, you're wayfinding and exploring.
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15. life can be an adventure but most of y’all scared so you want it to be a sitcom where u can pretend it’s an adventure
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Solving problems is *fun*, when you have the right problem! What makes it stressful is thinking "Oh no, I have a problem, that means I must be failing and not living my best life!"
Nope! Living your best life *is almost entirely about your approach to inevitable problems.*
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Which brings us to the biggest reframe:
DB: A good life is where I get where I decided to go. I need to decide what to do with my life, then do it.
REFRAME: A good life is a life that works for you, where you have joy. You have no freaking idea where you'll end up.
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All the best things that have happened to me weren't planned. I didn't five-year-plan my wife into existence, or my friends, or my church. Those were gifts! The order was already there, and I responded to it! This isn't about laziness--it's about process and openness
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So:
DB: I need to figure out my best possible life, make a plan, and then execute it.
REFRAME: There are multiple great lives (and plans) inside me, and I get to choose which one to build my way forward to next.
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You want to use your plans to generate *options.* Make 3 five-year-plans! Make them really different from each other! Mine were:
--Go into full-time ministry
--Go into teaching and just be actively involved at a local church
--go be a monk
--go work for a startup in Colorado
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oh i like this, "plans as options" vs. "plans as obligations"
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TIL plans don't have to be obligations. wack