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...i might say that people who talk about self-love seem to me to be conflating at least two things: 1) absence of self-hatred (already a big deal!) 2) reparenting child parts deprived of love

and i think the distinction between “absence of self-hatred” and “self-reparenting” matters because the former feels to me more like a steady state you can settle into long-term and the latter feels to me more “temporary” - it might take years but i think you can “finish”

i think when everything is “flowing smoothly” the love goes where it’s needed and that might be primarily to you / your child parts for a long time but not forever. i think it’s possible to grow up child parts and move on to becoming a source of love for others

also i think this process can be very “non-monotonic” as

@meditationstuff

puts it, there’ll be phases where that’s easier or harder, etc. etc. and i def don’t think you have to “finish” loving yourself before loving others, the two synergize a lot

let me say it a totally different way: the sage on the mountain does not love himself, as with the fish in the pond, as with the bird in the sky; dancing with all things, where is the self?

Replying to

and

did you see monk’s thread

void angel

@egregirls

I vibe with that one the most

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Replying to

and

So I also had difficulties thinking of self-love until I noted that self-judgment and self-hatred etc. do feel like very concrete and real things, and then I thought of self-love as being in analogy to that and that seemed to point at the right experience.

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Kaj Sotala

@xuenay

· Oct 5, 2020

Replying to @xuenay and @nickcammarata

Another issue: what would it feel like in practice? This is often one of my problems directing metta at myself: who/where is the "me" I should orient it at? But could work at it from other direction. "You don't deserve it" also implies a me. How does _that_ feeling manifest?

Kaj Sotala

@xuenay