Conversation

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@maybegray
speaking from my own exp, I feel safer expressing my desire to be generally desirable or even my desire to be desired by someone in particular than I feel around either generally desiring pleasure/sex or especially desiring sex with someone in particular
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@maybegray
I seek to indiscriminately inspire desire, I have always wanted to be wanted but on the odd occasions where I reciprocate the desire of someone in particular the vulnerability of expressing that hits me like a wall I look fast in photos on the internet but irl I move v v slow
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Mrs C 🪷
@captain_mrs
I feel like these things are linked? The more I lack confidence in my own abilities to desire, to initiate, to have /my/ wants reciprocated The more critical it becomes to be desired, to have other people's wants projected onto me So that I can have something to work with here
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Mrs C 🪷
@captain_mrs
It's like the thing I'm trying to optimise is the product of these two terms And if I can make the "be desired" part big enough, the part where I don't trust myself and the world to meet my own needs doesn't feel so terrifying
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@maybegray
hahaha this is v me
@QiaochuYuan
used to point out to me that I wouldn’t even admit I wanted him to call me, I would phrase it like “you could give me a call if you wanted to” always trying to meet needs by Inception lmao
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@maybegray
it was a total revelation for me but it's nice to still inception people once in a while just bc it is cute and coy it's just nice to be able to mindfully decide how coy I'm being rather than only being able to be maximum coy all the time
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