I have been pressed up lately against the ways I have taken the shape of the abuse I have suffered
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Conversation
I won't get into details now but it is a heavy feeling
clarity is amazing, I need it, I'm grateful
but it comes with the knowledge that I am in very real ways suspended still in the worst moments of my life
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I'm ok enough now that I can survive seeing clearly how not ok I am, how not ok I have been
*how much I have forgotten without forgetting*
my parents, my "friends", my first "lover", everything since...
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I'm a real person. I'm a whole human being. I carry with me my own experiences, my own perspective. I feel touch, I feel pain, I feel desire, I feel shame. I made mistakes. I paid for the mistakes of others. There's a built in significance to me that I forget and try to replace.
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I am naturally lovely and poetic and romantic just in having lived on this earth in this body for the years I have so far
I can see this same softness in everyone else too. We all have skin, we all have hearts, we are all moved and touched. We don’t have to work for it.
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