i don't feel like the same person who wrote most of my feelings tweets
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i don't really know how to describe what changed. there's a sense of urgency i clearly remember having when i was writing that stuff and i just don't have it anymore. a lot of the old stuff feels kind of overwrought to me now lol
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Replying to @QiaochuYuan
What changed?
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math hermit mode is probably not sustainable but it's at least bringing out another part of me that i like and haven't had around in awhile and want to keep around. doing math for me has this very penetrative masculine hunting kind of energy that i'd been missing
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and that masculine math energy synergizes bizarrely well with lifting. thinking about a problem while taking a break between squats actually feels like a very coherent thing to do somehow. i'm in one mode the whole time
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ML is not pure math by any stretch, but I spend my days doing ML Engineering with lifting breaks; I feel you on the synergy.
but I spend my evenings on emotional work, and my interest seems to be waxing as yours wanes. it all feels super harmonious to me.
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this tweet is the linchpin
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Friend suggested: "Might be related to the antidepressant effects of strength training. If you're hitting 80%+ of maximum voluntary activation against a weight, you're pretty much forced to relax the antagonist muscles."
Huh.
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yeah jeez is this... what not being depressed feels like 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔