what if i just didn't do anything important ever
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i occasionally fantasize about being thrown into jail or similar because then (i imagine) i wouldn't have to deal with the constant background low-level guilt over wasting time, not "living up to my potential," etc. it would be in some sense a relief to have my options taken away
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i have been playing a very bad mobile game and it has been showing me uncomfortable things about my soul. there is some kind of very deep-seated "completionism" thing going on. i want so badly to be "done" (with my homework??? 🤔🤔🤔)
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several summers ago i spent something like 200 hours playing hyperdimension neptunia, a game whose main gameplay loop is literally just a sequence of fetch quests, and it worked on me because i wanted to check off all the boxes. i literally let this game assign me homework
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college was great because i just blew through my homework and got to feel “done” most days but in grad school there was a neverending sense that i hadn’t done enough work (which was true, i was barely working) so i pretty much never got to feel “done” and that was crushing