Sex things: it turns out there's tremendous variation in how much pressure people want applied to their genitals
You can ask more or less directly
But it's easier to say "harder/more/yes" than "gentler/less/no", so it is much better to start off erring on the side of gentleness
Conversation
everyone in my entire life has erred on the side of too much by a factor of literally 5-20 😬
1
9
Same! But maybe this is at least half our fault for not identifying/knowing how to express what we want
Tbh, I didn't really recognize explicitly it was "too much" until pretty recently
It's *definitely* OK to tell people though
1
7
it took me a long time to learn i was allowed to have boundaries
legitimately just not a problem i’d ever heard a man describe having so i didn’t consider the possibility that i was having it
2
10
Yeah and tbh I am only now learning needs/boundaries language, and am not sure how this particular issue relates to: preferences, needs, boundaries, etc.
E.g. If you're on the *opposite* end of this sensitivity spectrum it's not obviously a boundaries issue anymore
1
5
Replying to
right. but i think there’s a genuine asymmetry between being overwhelmed and being underwhelmed. being overwhelmed is more easily traumatizing
also good luck 🙏
Replying to
> "genuine asymmetry between being overwhelmed and being underwhelmed"
This was exactly what I was uncertain about, will consider
7