Sex things: it turns out there's tremendous variation in how much pressure people want applied to their genitals
You can ask more or less directly
But it's easier to say "harder/more/yes" than "gentler/less/no", so it is much better to start off erring on the side of gentleness
Conversation
everyone in my entire life has erred on the side of too much by a factor of literally 5-20 😬
1
9
Same! But maybe this is at least half our fault for not identifying/knowing how to express what we want
Tbh, I didn't really recognize explicitly it was "too much" until pretty recently
It's *definitely* OK to tell people though
1
7
Replying to
it took me a long time to learn i was allowed to have boundaries
legitimately just not a problem i’d ever heard a man describe having so i didn’t consider the possibility that i was having it
Replying to
Yeah and tbh I am only now learning needs/boundaries language, and am not sure how this particular issue relates to: preferences, needs, boundaries, etc.
E.g. If you're on the *opposite* end of this sensitivity spectrum it's not obviously a boundaries issue anymore
1
5
right. but i think there’s a genuine asymmetry between being overwhelmed and being underwhelmed. being overwhelmed is more easily traumatizing
also good luck 🙏
1
7
Show replies
oh its very common, people don't bring nuance to the tactile because they aren't used to it. Touch is really taboo in general that people never learn to communicate properly with it.
Pianists do well, for obvious reasons, but even a lot of pianists suck with their dynamics
2
1
1