the difference between loving you and loving myself is that loving you does not threaten my connection to my parents in the slightest
Conversation
that “and their later proxies” is going to rattle around in my head
wondering if part of what made leaving grad school so hard was learning to use my ability to do math as a proxy for connecting with my parents in high school 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
1
23
“The function of sexual fantasy is to undo the beliefs and feelings interfering with sexual excitement, to ensure both our safety and our pleasure. Our fantasies convince us that we’re not going to harm or betray anyone, and that if we get fully aroused, no one will suffer.”
2
15
“...the unconscious belief that one isn’t supposed to have more pleasure of any kind than one’s parents had”
HmMmMmMmM
1
5
“Sexual excitement also requires that we momentarily become selfish and turn away from concerns about the other’s pleasure in order to surrender to our own, that we momentarily stop worrying about hurting or rejecting the other person.”
sounds impossible but ok 🧐
4
1
19
“Because shame and rejection are common experiences, many common sexual fantasies function to negate them. Characters must be drawn, details chosen, scenarios plotted, and roles defined to this aim.”
1
1
7
i’m just going to pretend he never mentioned the DSM 🤢
2
4
“The threatening identification with a sad parent is replaced by the exciting fantasy of a happy one. Sexual fantasies are constructed in order to counteract the potentially debilitating effects of identification.”
(“identification” = sth like merging, here)
3
7
“Getting turned on involves transcending the past, counteracting dangers, disconfirming beliefs, undoing traumas, soothing pain, and finally, finally laying claim to pleasure.”
2
1
5
Does this book provide any solutions? My sexual ability narrowed considerably once I hit my core shame like a drill hitting an oil pocket spewing clingy gross tar everywhere. I wanna go back to being a shameless slut 😭
1
2
Replying to
aw i want that for you also
i haven’t gotten that far but pretty sure the model outlined in this book implies coherence therapy could work good and that’s an exciting possibility for me
Replying to
Seems like I gotta keep doing what I've already been doing
It's maddening seeing my libido flare up half a second before clamping down. Like I can SEE you depression, I know what you're doing!! I just don't know why because I keep flinching away from the body sensation/memory
1
3
know that feel like pls i just want to be horny 🥺
3