oh
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Conversation
“As we develop, we will seek - and need - a special acknowledgment for our masculinity and femininity, a sense that our ‘girlness’ and ‘boyness’ are recognized and appreciated by our parents.”
HMMMMMM
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“We begin to believe that any wish for special caretaking and love is forbidden, off-limits, as if it meant asking for too much, for something we aren’t supposed to have.”
on one hand, straightforward synthesis of Running on Empty + Unlocking the Emotional Brain, and otoh owie
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def a part of me that read that sentence and felt vindicated, like “yes! special caretaking and love *is* forbidden and off-limits! it *is* asking for too much! we’re *not* supposed to have it!”
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to be clear “we” means me specifically the rest of you are innocent babies who deserve all the love in the world and i alone am wretched before god
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the difference between loving you and loving myself is that loving you does not threaten my connection to my parents in the slightest
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that “and their later proxies” is going to rattle around in my head
wondering if part of what made leaving grad school so hard was learning to use my ability to do math as a proxy for connecting with my parents in high school 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔
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“The function of sexual fantasy is to undo the beliefs and feelings interfering with sexual excitement, to ensure both our safety and our pleasure. Our fantasies convince us that we’re not going to harm or betray anyone, and that if we get fully aroused, no one will suffer.”
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what's the book?
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Replying to
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Replying to @AdmiralOPG
it is called arousal by michael j bader and wow have i wanted this exact book for years
amazon.com/Arousal-Secret