if this is a thirst post I quit 😆
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But I assume that's not what QC meant - he meant that it's much more likely that one of me and you would get a message than him and Visa, because they are boys.
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Yeah, good point. Boys are gross. 😂
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i don’t want to make this a whole thing but i actually believe that i am disgusting and it hurts to hear other people confirm that even as a joke
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i’ve been beyond scared out of my mind to approach women my entire life, it’s always felt like i had to do it 100% perfectly or i was scum of the earth and didn’t deserve to live, i’ve felt suicidal very rarely but it’s always been precipitated by feeling like i hurt a woman
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like - there was this thread the other day from a woman talking about how her experiences having sex with men were so bad she turned her dissociation into a sexual orientation and reading stuff like that legitimately makes me want to die
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i’ve deeply internalized from a pretty young age that men have hurt and continue to hurt women in so many ways and i don’t know what to do with the level of guilt and shame i feel about this, so far i’ve mostly just used it to destroy my sexuality
i want so badly to *atone* somehow. if there was some way that all women collectively could just hurt me over and over again until they finally decided it was enough and i didn’t have to suffer anymore i cannot imagine how good that would feel
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Have you tried EMDR? It can be really helpful at reducing the intensity of that kind of intense shame and guilt (and I’d bet there’s some anger under the surface). It can also help to gently do the opposite of what the shame/guilt wants (I.e. DBT “opposite action”).
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i have not but i can probably get similar effects from a mix of bio-emotive and coherence therapy, i’ve dug into like 5% of this so far maybe
and yeah there’s some anger at women down there and it’s real scary to touch 😬
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I basically accept that:
1. I'm not one of those guys.
2. Women don't know I'm not one of those guys, and I should be aware of and sensitive to the ambient insecurity and not put them in positions where they need to worry that I might be.
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Dating girls who were really turned on by very aggressive, masculine sexuality also helped me get over this.
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i actually think this is a good thing, hear me out
seems like it comes from a place of caring about other people's feelings. that's great! honestly i think what people want in a partner is caring, tenderness, concern for their well being
the flip side of guilt is responsibility
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that is to say, you haven't done anything wrong, you can let go of the guilt
you can care a lot and still forgive yourself
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