Conversation

Weft
@WeftOfSoul
Every time I want to bring it to a verbal area of inspection I alarm the problematic issues police inside me, the same personality that I see in discussions of "a 21 year old woman cannot consent to sex with a 30 year old man", but like, way stronger
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Weft
@WeftOfSoul
Here's an example: I was an exeedingly horny 10 year old and just expressing the idea that 10 year olds can be horny alarms the problematic issues warrior in me. "What do you mean horny 10 year old?? That's pedo bait??? Go to jail!! Kids can't consent to being horny, illegal"
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Weft
@WeftOfSoul
Similarly if I talk about how at 14 years old I read sexy fanfics, written by 14 year olds, about 14 year old fictional characters I get scared about being caught by the internet morality police who tell me retaining the memory means I have a mental library of child porn
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Weft
@WeftOfSoul
I can't without panicking share a funny story about the times when at 12-16 years old I was flirting on anonymous chat rooms with genuine sexual predators because it felt a far safer way to explore my identity and charm than talking to IRL boys.
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Weft
@WeftOfSoul
Sometimes someone tries to tell me perverse fantasies come from porn but I had 1000% crazy hardcore taboo fantasies immediately as a kid when I invented masturbation and it's an awkward point to bring up when even I don't want to know it
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Weft
@WeftOfSoul
The funny thing is I tried to squash down the horny parts inside me for so long that finally at an acceptable sexual age I fully believed I was asexual. Saying this also scares me because I fear it'll be read as aphobia when it's just a personal fact
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Weft
@WeftOfSoul
I once accidentally saw a porn magazine who someone brought to elementary school and after that I waited until 19 years old to search for porn online because I felt so guilty for taking a look (and the aesthetics of the mag were super gross to me)
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Weft
@WeftOfSoul
Healing trauma is fetching frozen pieces of your soul from the past where they got stuck. I do this by means of timetravelling to traumatic/embarrassing memories and redoing them in a satisfying, freeing, loving way. This too gets scary to mention when it's through sexual climax
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Weft
@WeftOfSoul
My trapped memory horcrux soul shard doesn't know it's inside the brain of a non-peer-age individual and I don't think it's fair to cancel these rescue missions just because of an age gap within my own un-integrated psyche parts. SOS save all souls
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