First ~tipsypost!
I’ve read that men don’t often get compliments. I was surprised, bc I feel inclined to give compliments to men basically all the time. (And do?)
But also often seems very weird if I imagine the genders reversed, so I do it much less often than I’m inclined.
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Like: if someone makes a video about their work, and I message them “omg so handsome 🥰!” That would be *really* weird, right?
If I posted a neutral/work-oriented video and got a lot of comments on how I looked, I would feel pretty conflicted, I think.
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I think women share more selfies etc, where it is more clearly ok to publicly compliment them?
I’m a bit less certain about men, unless they post themselves... idk, dancing or something? Or a selfie I guess?
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I also recognize some sort of fear I have about complimenting too many men. Like, if I were to just go around telling men how I thought they were attractive, or looked good today or whatever, I’m *pretty* sure I’d either get judged about it, or people would think I was insincere.
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When men receive compliments from a woman, they assume that the woman is flirting with them.
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Ok so how do I resolve this with what said? Do I just have to compliment in a way that makes it clear I don’t have romantic intentions?
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What if it’s not that clear whether I do have romantic intentions (as is the case for lots of relationships between men and women, I think)? Do men feel a need to clarify this? (Not asking rhetorically, genuinely curious.)
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i think many men are bad at playing in that sort of liminal in-between uncertain space and it’s very regrettable because we could be having a lot more fun if we were - we want certainty but we’d benefit from learning how to have fun without it 😅
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visa has good tweets about this and i’ve learned from them
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Replying to @QiaochuYuan and @codeic
what a lot of straight guys don't get (IMO likely more because of trauma / bullying etc) is that attraction and flirting isn't an on-off switch. Sure, people might generally be more or less interested for a start, but really we're all flirting all the time, just to different degs
Oh yeah, Visa gets it. But most men are so starved for love/affection/affirmation that they turn it into a binary
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Seems kind of a catch-22 then
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