It's easy to assume the absence of pain means a defense mechanism solved your problem, but it's also possible that you've created a new issue: the inability to recognize that there is a problem at all.
Conversation
This is where interpersonal meditation comes in. It can start with some simple prompts—what's it like for you right now? What's having that feeling/thought like? Just exchanging those prompts back and forth with someone gives a clearer sense of how you're mapping the territory.
1
5
And when others ask what you're really thinking or experiencing in the moment, you have the opportunity to settle in and try to describe it, make it coalesce into something more substantial than buzzing mind fog.
1
4
The goal isn't to present a pretty picture. It is to honestly represent whatever is happening, which is sometimes just boredom or irritation or confusion.
1
4
It may not seem like saying such emotions out loud could result in any positive interaction, but it allows for exploration of what is provoking those experiences.
1
2
I was shocked by how many different people expressed appreciation for my sincerely expressing anger or pain or confusion—because it opened new dialogue that cleared up some misunderstandings, or gave them permission to describe their own reactions to a difficult situation.
1
7
Mind you, it's easy to mess that up. I tried to show up in my negative emotions because my bias is to not experience or speak about them in any embodied sense (I'd normally shrug and say I feel lousy but it's no big deal and then talk about weather). It's not universal advice.
1
2
In general though, it is far more powerful to check your assumptions about a person you're interacting with by asking them upfront, rather than trying to figure out your errors understanding them in hindsight.
1
6
These can be positive or negative: for example, feeling like someone's more smart/talented/happy than you, or feeling like they don't understand you/are angry at you.
1
2
It's a rare to have such a chance, but that's why we should ask when it's possible. Not to be hyperbolic, but I genuinely think I cleared through more false emotional beliefs or assumptions in a week of a Circling intensive than in four years of therapy.
2
3
Replying to
🔥🔥🔥
glad to hear it man. circling experience is definitely one of my top secret weapons 😎