i think basically everyone has this ability and lots of people are deliberately refusing to pay attention to it so itโs hard to tell if itโs happening
oof sad
i feel like some people are just very expressive when they're ill, though? ๐ค apparently my face just goes blank and i talk less, like i put less effort into being expressive for other people's benefit?
yeah thatโs extremely noticeable if anyone would actually bother to notice it at all
i went through this transition where i like... gave myself permission to notice other peopleโs faces and body language and it was horrifying. everyone around me was so anxious and so unhappy
nerds in particular vastly vastly underestimate how transparent their emotional state is to an even slightly practiced observer. itโs just that often the state is โblank and frozen and dissociatedโ which looks kinda like but is actually completely different from โneutralโ
i just never allowed myself to look at people really. iโd look off to the side and sort of studiously avoid putting too much of my attention on anyoneโs face or body. it felt rude
i actually think this is an instinct worth listening to. eye contact is incredibly intimate. starting to think i should ask for permission before doing it
it is a solemn thing, i think. much of my awkwardness comes from an awareness that i interject a meta-awareness into social situations when i enter them. it is not always kind to make people who have things to do *particularly* aware of themselves or me.