oof sad
i feel like some people are just very expressive when they're ill, though? 🤔 apparently my face just goes blank and i talk less, like i put less effort into being expressive for other people's benefit?
yeah that’s extremely noticeable if anyone would actually bother to notice it at all
i went through this transition where i like... gave myself permission to notice other people’s faces and body language and it was horrifying. everyone around me was so anxious and so unhappy
nerds in particular vastly vastly underestimate how transparent their emotional state is to an even slightly practiced observer. it’s just that often the state is “blank and frozen and dissociated” which looks kinda like but is actually completely different from “neutral”
i just never allowed myself to look at people really. i’d look off to the side and sort of studiously avoid putting too much of my attention on anyone’s face or body. it felt rude