Conversation

Jul 24, 2020

it always feels embarrassing to talk about wondering about gender things, "am i autistic," "do i have ADHD," "is this chronic fatigue," etc but maybe threading these topics will be useful - for me and for anyone else who has similar experiences

goblin à la mode

@goblinodds

Jul 24, 2020

i know i tend towards hypochondria, and i do have anxiety, which can produce a lot of symptoms present in other disorders, so it's difficult to disentangle...

goblin à la mode

@goblinodds

Jul 24, 2020

things i'm certain i *dont* have: - BPD - bipolar - depression (at least not anymore, but i occasionally have extremely brief depressive episodes to contrast with) - schizophrenia - body dysphoria - addictive personality - dissociation (*except* sometimes derealization)

goblin à la mode

@goblinodds

Jul 24, 2020

i recently realized i may have unusually *high* empathy (the opposite of what i'd supposed), which could account for why so many accounts of people's experiences feel relatable

goblin à la mode

@goblinodds

Jul 24, 2020

things that feel relatable: - high-functioning ASD as it presents in women - some ADHD symptoms - gender confusion???

goblin à la mode

@goblinodds

Jul 24, 2020

once my anxiety is better dealt with, maybe the associated symptoms and thought patterns will fade and i'll get more clarity on all three of these

goblin à la mode

@goblinodds

Jul 24, 2020

one clear step towards reducing my anxiety is to stop trying so hard to cater to everyone around me once i drop that, it'll be interesting to see whether that was essentially: - masking to compensate for difficulty with social cues - anxious inability to trust myself

goblin à la mode

@goblinodds

Jul 24, 2020

iirc i've had a lot of experiences of not being able to predict or understand people's reactions, and my social growth has been largely a matter of working around this not sure whether i can accurately pick up cues vs err on the side of "person doesnt want this to continue"