Conversation

At other times I’ve wanted someone ‘holding space’, often with a protective or motherly/parental energy around them. This was often when I was scared, or was processing a fright.

But with this grieving, I wasn’t small or young or needing protection. And actually, I wasn’t unsure about what was going on. The situation was astoundingly clear and simple, it was just a big loss, and was very hard to bear.

And the grief had a lot of anger in it too, which isn’t often allowed easily by this more common kind of parental space-holding.

The thing

@QiaochuYuan

talks about in this workshop, of men kneeling towards his crying; well, I’m not a man but this is the kind of attitude I wish I’d had around me more. Like a respect for your courage, or your struggle.

We have a public narrative about aspects of femininity being collectively repressed but I think even as a woman I’ve been affected by aspects of masculinity being publicly repressed; specifically rage, grief, jealousy, betrayal.

They get pointed at in words but our public ritual expression of them is very flat, particularly by men, and I see that resonating in the lives of the men close to me.

QC (in Berlin 7/29-??? w/ COVID

TLDR: I want normalised public grieving back, at least; for both men and women but specifically for men.

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@QiaochuYuan

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