now, this is IMPORTANTLY distinct from "intellectualizing your emotions". or what therapy people mean when they're like "some people only talk about their feelings, they don't actually *FEEL* their feelings"
i'm a bit fuzzy on what separates these, but that's not the main focus
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anywho, the funky thing about emotions is that they are a mutual-causality loop between body and mind. change in body affects change in mood, change in mood affects your body.
i might describe emotions as one's holistic understanding of the state of their mind and body
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so what happens when someone is "out of touch" with their emotions?
think of someone who's clearly angry but can't seem to identify their experience as anger
what's up? is their anger "active but unconscious" and just not reportable for them? not reeeeeeeeeeeeally...
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i think they are 100% *experiencing* the somatic aspects of anger, but due to [reasons] they aren't connected with the Constructed, conceptualized, able to plug into reflective reasoning, aspect of anger.
anger is both of these things and more.
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the somatic aspects of emotions effect you even if you can't reflect on them
it's sorta like the fish in water parable. all the fish experience water, it effects them, they have ways of interacting with it, but due to lack of framework they can't reflect on it
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so,
for a certain flavor of "out of touch with your emotions", it might not be the case that your emotions are happening "locked away" in some unconscious vault, but are instead already a part of your lived experience, just not a part you can reflect on
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how does this relate back to cobras and pittbulls?
the pittbulls pattern is being triggered, experiencing powerlessness and rage, and acting violently. Though they are in denial of being in the wrong, there is no denial of the experience of powerlessness
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cobras, who have experienced more violent childhood trauma, DONT seem to have conscious experience of powerlessness (old trauma state), and instead consciously dominate and abuse.
it seems clear that this is "acting from trauma", but how? gonna tie back into this excerpt
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this makes me think of Internal Family Systems. their frame is that when you have a traumatic experience, it spawns a "protector" subagent that is in charge of keeping you out of similar scenarios.
makes me think there's at least two kinds of triggers-
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1) primary triggers that send you to the subjective experience of helplessness you had in your past.
2)secondary triggers that activate a behavior to prevent you from getting a primary trigger activated
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Replying to
in IFS language 1) might be blending with an exile and 2) might be blending with a protector