i have reacquired access to my middle school livejournal account. pray for me
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i completely forgot that i was sporadically updating this account until the end of college
this was senior year. Little Did I Know how poorly that relationship would end jeez
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oh i forgot about this part
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wow i was such a boring writer in college jesus
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skipping over a lot of really really cringe stuff, no screenshots, it's just bad
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okay i think i finally went back far enough to find something that's kinda cute. senior year of high school
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oh wow kinda forgot about this. yeah, this sucked really bad. think this one incident might've convinced me i was incapable of doing logistics
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(skipped over a ton of stuff again, mostly me blathering about girls)
completely forgot i even had journals from elementary school hmmmm they might still be in seattle
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completely, completely forgot about this yikes
it's probably very suspicious that i can't pin down from memory when they got divorced to within a narrower range than like 4 years
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i'll spare you the details but overall i'm surprised how much time i spend complaining about having too much boring homework. memories of high school colored really strongly by how well it ended but it looks like i might've just been miserable in the beginning
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fuckin yikes
this isn't exactly something i forgot but boy do i avoid thinking about it too hard
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been extremely striking watching my writing get *better* as i go back. i write with more heart as a 14-year-old than i would for the next 10 years after that easily, with the sole exception of when i'm talking about girls
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cannot believe i correctly understood this distracting-myself-from-my-feelings pattern when i was 14, i wouldn't understand this again for another 12 years
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look at little QC casually writing poetry too
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look at little QC writing directly to me in the future 🥺
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I WILL PROTECT THIS PRECIOUS CINNAMON ROLL
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this is just nuts. sorry, i don't know how repetitive this all looks to you guys. all of these problems i thought i started having in grad school (mild asthma, lack of energy) were apparently problems i started having in high school and then completely forgot about
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there's so much poetry and microfiction scattered in these posts that i just don't remember writing. there's a creativity i had easy access to and then just lost access to for ages, what the hell
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from the beginning of high school 😭
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