Conversation

(1) I don’t think you’re in a position to safely wield the power you have accumulated. You found something that works and are very excited to distribute it but your use of it is (naturally) unnuanced (not enough time) and, at the limit, it is irresponsible to be “guiding” others.
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(2) You’re a one trick pony which can’t hear the kind of advice he doesn’t want. Mimetic Value told you a long time ago that you needed to travel, meet some random girls, do combat sports. I think he was right. All the solutions are NOT in “moar introspexting” or “moar crying”.
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QC: I don't want to "gang up," but Rival is very astute here and my main point is much better synergized with his points, esp. with what I know about you over the years. Rival: QC actually is a pony of many tricks, and *very* impressive ones at that. The issue is..
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.. he gets very caught up in each new trick and feels the new one is "the" one and wants to disavow the rest. QC again: take a step back and see how amazing you are. You have many (quite deep!) skills that can be your unique art to harmonize. Synergize them, appreciate them.
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.. Instead of throwing everything away each time (which actually moves you towards the cult thing, since cults are for people searching for the *one* thing), think about all the things each dive got you (math, rationality, etc.); don't waste your 4-std intersection of these!
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Analogy: suppose you fell out of love with A and are now in love with B. Which is healthier? To only be filled with disdain for the shortcomings of A (to make yourself feel better about B) or to have your fond memories with A be a part of you so you're now a stronger man with B?
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