when I actually manage to extend awareness to my left, it feels like a direct tug on my attention, like driving past a car wreck. very much feels like part of me *does not want* the left side to be incorporated into awareness.
(1/2)
Conversation
frequently I have a very hard time even bringing it into awareness at all. like a magnetic repulsion, I just kind of sliiiiide around it.
1
5
My gut reaction here is to suggest trying even less hard. If there is a *thing* here, it sounds like it might be of the kind that will resolve itself.
Not saying to ignore it either. Just to continue with the same exercises with an even reduced level of 'caring'.
1
9
oooh
yeah okay that makes sense
it's extremely easy to fall into doing things "too hard" on my meds
1
7
Yes, it's a trap. The resolution to this will happen by itself and it will surprise you.
When you're playing with it, see if you can get a sense of how much you 'care' to fix, get it right or solve.
Score that level out of ten. Imagine it as a dial and turn it slowly down to 0.
1
8
oh my god I fixed it
it probably won't be permanent but this is the longest I've held it
I started to get a migraine and then I thought "wait what if I just stop trying to make it go away with telekinesis"
;laskdjf this is incredible I've only had glimpses of this thing
1
2
17
it's like this radius of awareness + little inhibitory movements
I can feel the radius shrink when it starts to become important that the headache go away and then I do a little expansive movement w/my attention and the radius expands again
2
8
the dial imagery helped too, I feel like I'm zooming out with a lens that has a slight tendency to drift in again and needs occasional adjustments
1
3
it's interesting that making it less important that I accomplish the thing
doesn't really impact how much I *care* about the things
I still have a very clear preference for not having migraines
and there's still a headache there, too, I'm just not...reifying it
1
5
I even did a thing I've been putting off
because I wanted to
but the "ugh I HAVE TO" was gone, so I could
this is incredible
all of the emotions are still there I'm just not leaning into them
2
8
hmmmm i think i need this