finally looking at school trauma and jesus fucking christ man
Conversation
my entire relationship to the concept of achievement seems to be school-shaped
it’s like i always lowkey feel like i’m “failing” but also i don’t wanna do any of my “homework”
fuuuuuuuck thiiiiis
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love how i turn everything i do into a test i grade myself on up to and including “self-improvement” 🤢
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literally just repeating to myself “i’m not in school anymore” and then going through every school i’ve attended and telling myself i’m not in that school anymore and it’s a wild ride, my shoulders are doing some funny things
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gotta say this explains a lot about my “burn down the schools” tweets though, in retrospect there was always a suspiciously large amount of emotional energy there
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Why suspiciously?
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Replying to
not to say i don’t stand by those tweets but in retrospect they had some of the smell of emotional flashbacks
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Replying to @QiaochuYuan and @visakanv
My latest frame for this: everyone is basically living in a dream mashup of their current external situation and their old emotional meanings. Like dreaming you're at school but it's also on a boat somehow.
& as in dreams, somehow the weirdness of this mashup goes unnoticed